One thing to remember is that even people who are not right for you (the ones you are limiting your contact with and will eventually move them out of your life), even those people are trying to be helpful. They may be going about it in a way that is not helpful to you but, for the most part, they want to help you.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t ever move them out of your life; be compassionate as you do so. There’s no need to hurt their feelings or make them feel foolish, stupid, or worthless.
It’s the rare person who is mean and nasty through-and-through and who takes perverse pleasure in your failures, especially if they get to push you into crashing and burning. It’s the unusual person who willfully chooses to be cruel, unhelpful, and to block you from your good.
Most people don’t get up in the morning, rubbing their hands with glee, saying how they can’t wait to get going on the day so they can ruin it for everyone—especially you!
Most people are just like you: they have good days and bad ones; they want to lead a better life but they’re frightened, overwhelmed, frustrated, over-worked. Most people want to make a positive difference in others’ lives—they want to matter and be valued. But they aren’t sure how to do that so…they do the best they can, hoping that they get it right.
Their intent is to alert you to problems they’ve had and mistakes they’ve made so you avoid the pitfalls they stumbled into. And they want to inspire you to keep going when it’s tough and encourage you to get up when you’ve fallen.
Be thankful for the intent of their help (even though in actuality their help isn’t very helpful!) and graciously, courteously, send them on their way with your best wishes.
Your homework today is to note which people aren’t as helpful as they may want to be. Before politely showing them the door, is it possible to have a conversation with them and let them know how they can be helpful to you? Perhaps all they need is a little direction and training!
Most of all, remember your manners when dealing with others and be courteous, polite, and respectful!
You can do it!
I’m so proud of you!
Your Friend and Pep Pal,