Please note: I apologize for this post not going through yesterday. I thought I’d pressed the “Publish” button, only to discover this morning that I hadn’t! Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused you!
Yesterday we talked about people who are more difficult to forgive: perhaps they are insincere in their apology or maybe they try to turn things around so you feel as if you should apologize.
But what about those people who are nearly impossible to forgive?
Perhaps they are totally unrepentant and absolutely unremorseful; maybe they hurt you so bad that you can’t bear to be in contact with them; perhaps you can’t locate them (don’t want to locate them) or they’ve passed from Earth; maybe they’re just an all-around nasty person.
This type of forgiveness is challenging. It feels like an enormous, miles thick, concrete reinforced wall that you can’t see the top of and you can’t see the ends of. It seems insurmountable. As I said, this type of forgiveness is difficult, but it can be done. It isn’t easy and it sure isn’t quick, but you can defeat this so that you can move on and have a fuller, richer, more meaningful life.
I’ve found that “the crack in the foundation” is to forget about forgiving the person. Take it off the table, throw it away, and don’t even consider it. Learn to accept the fact that you are never going to get any kind of acknowledgement from the person for their wrongdoing and you are even less likely to get an apology.
Yes, it’s hard—very hard—to accept that fact. But in order to move forward into your healing and peace—which is the ultimate goal—you must do this.
Instead of pinning all your hopes on the other person being remorseful and apologizing, think about caring for yourself. Pull your focus in and put it on the hurt, the pain, the wound that hasn’t healed. Focus on what you need to do or to have that will heal that wound.
Don’t make your healing and your piece of mind conditional upon another person doing something or behaving a certain way. They are not worthy of that much control over your life. In fact, no one but YOU should have that kind of influence and authority in your life!
Make it a point over the next few days to take time to sit with yourself and understand the deeper issues involved with the hurt, the betrayal, the shock of what happened. Understand what in you is driving it and why you aren’t able to let it go at this time. This inner work is the partners perfectly with sitting in silence (you knew I was going to suggest this, right?!)
We’ll talk more about this in tomorrow’s post.
In the meantime, let me know if you have questions. Feel free to leave a comment below. Thanks!
Your Friend and Pep Pal,
2 thoughts on “Forgiveness: People Who are Impossible to Forgive—Part 1”