Frenemies: Pep Rally from Mr. Rogers

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I was looking in the archives of Yes I Can Pep Talks and came across the post below. It’s perfect for our chat about frenemies. Thank you, Mr. Rogers, for thoughts that are a powerful antidote to a frenemy attack.

 

The post below was originally published on March 22, 2017

 

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In case you need a mid-week boost or if you need a reminder of the essentials of live, here are a few quotes from Fred Rogers.

 

It’s not the honors and the prizes and the fancy outsides of life which ultimately nourish our souls. It’s the knowing that we can be trusted, that we never have to fear the truth, that the bedrock of our very being is good stuff.

 

If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.

 

It’s our insides that make us who we are, that allow us to dream and wonder and feel for others. That’s what’s essential. That’s what will always make the biggest difference in our world.

 

As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has—or ever will have—something inside that is unique to all time. It’s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.

 

Justice is taking care of those who aren’t able to take care of themselves.

 

Both Joanne (Mr. Rogers’ wife) and I can recall many times when we wish we’d said or done something different.  But we didn’t, and we’ve learned not to feel too guilty about that.  What gives me my good feelings is that we always cared and always tried to do our best.

 

It’s you I like,
It’s not the things you wear,
It’s not the way you do your hair–
But it’s you I like.
The way you are right now,
The way down deep inside you–
Not the things that hide you,
Not your toys–
They’re just beside you.

But it’s you I like–
Every part of you,
Your skin, your eyes, your feelings
Whether old or new.
I hope that you’ll remember
Even when you’re feeling blue
That it’s you I like,
It’s you yourself,
It’s you, it’s you I like.

 

Remember to keep handy the quote(s) that resonated with you.  Refer to them often; let their simple wisdom infuse and empower you.

You can do it!  I believe in you!

Your Friend and Pep Pal,

Lauren

 

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Frenemies: What to Say to Yourself When a Frenemy Attacks

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Have you ever suffered a frenemy attack? Perhaps a colleague at work–someone you’d worked well with previously–throws you under the bus; now it’s you the boss is unfairly zeroing in on. Maybe, in confidence, you told a friend something very personal only to find when the whole group gets together that everyone knows….

After you recover from the shock and embarrassment, what do you say to yourself?

I’m sure you have thoughts of anger and you may even think about revenge how you’ll avenge yourself.. You may feel fear or worried because this may negatively impact your career. You may be sad and disappointed that someone you thought was a friend turned around and betrayed you.

These thoughts and feeling can lead to you telling yourself lies such as:

 

Maybe I am less talented;

 

Maybe I don’t have what it takes to be team leader;

 

Maybe I’ve been deluding myself all along and maybe I truly am an idiot…

 

NONE OF THESE THOUGHTS ARE TRUE!! THEY’RE ALL LIES!!!

 

Here are a few things to tell yourself instead:

 

This says more about them than it does about me;

 

This will show me who my true friends and allies are;

 

I am talented, I am intelligent, I do have a lot on the ball;

 

I am a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars. I have a right to be here. (from the Desiderata by Max Ehrmann)

 

 

Choose on of these thoughts to keep handy–or one that you’ve thought of for yourself. When a frenemy attacks, repeat to yourself the positive statements about yourself.

You can do it!

Your Friend and Pep Pal,

Lauren

Frenemies: 7 Quotes for the Upcoming Week

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Last week we started to talk about frenemies. With my computer and Internet troubles, we didn’t finish that discussion so we’ll continue it this week.

Here are 7 quotes about frenemies for this week. Let me know which one(s) ring true for you.

 

Thank you fake friends! You’ve only made me stronger and wiser. ~Unknown

 

Time will prove the worth of friendship. As time goes by we lose the false ones and keep the best. True friends stay when all the rest are gone. ~Ritu Ghatourey

 

Don’t worry about those who talk behind your back. They’re behind you for a reason. ~Unknown

 

An honest enemy is better than a false friend. When in doubt, pay more attention to what people do and less to what they say.   Actions not only speak louder than words, they are more difficult to fake. ~Zero Dean

 

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind. ~The Buddha

 

A friend who stands with you in pressure is more valuable than a hundred ones who stand with you in pleasure. ~Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

 

Better to have an enemy who slaps you in the face than a friend who stabs you in the back.   ~Unknown

 

Tomorrow we’re going to be talking about handling the feelings you have after being with a frenemy.   Come back and join the conversation!

Your Friend and Pep Pal,

Lauren

Frenemies: Another Tip to Deal with Them

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Yesterday we talked about 5 techniques to help us deal with frenemies. Today we’ll talk about one more: meditating.

Scientists have shown that meditating is good for you. A regular practice can help to lower blood pressure, fight insomnia and lead to a better night’s sleep, among other things.

Another thing meditation can do is to help us calm down and press the reset button after an attack by a frenemy.

No, you don’t have to twist yourself into an uncomfortable position and hold it forever; no, you don’t have to chant or “ohm”. All you need to do is to sit quietly and tune into the serene part of yourself.

Focus on that part of yourself that’s timeless and limitless. Doing this can help to put the situation and the frenemy in perspective.   In doing this you’ll see that your frenemy is someone to be pitied, rather than punched. It’s a sad, insecure person who’s worried about their prospects in the future who tends to be a frenemy. People who are creating a soul-prospering life tend to be authentic, helpful, and optimistic.

Also, when you go within, you’ll be reminded of your talents, gifts, and the soul-prospering life you’re crafting for yourself!

You can do it!

Your Friend and Pep Pal,

Lauren

Frenemies: 5 Tips to Deal with Them

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Frenemy is someone who acts like a friend–they’re nice to you and they seem to cheer you on to your goals–but in subtle or even overt ways, they sabotage you.  They can make you feel bad about yourself and cause you to second-guess yourself.  They may take credit for the work you’ve done and they may gossip about you behind your back.

Frenemies have been around for a while.  Both Cicero and Benjamin Franklin cautioned their peers about false friends–frenemies.

Sometimes frenemies are easy to spot and easy to steer clear of.  They’re obviously unhappy and nasty people and you naturally shy away from them.

But sometimes they’re close to us and we don’t always recognize them for who they truly are. It could be that we work with them, or they’re in our circle of friends, or we may be related to them.

How do you deal with these people, the ones we have no choice but to live and work with?

 

~If you can’t eliminated your contact with them, limit it as much as you can. 

Remember that it’s better to be alone for a while rather than spending time with a person who doesn’t celebrate you.  It’s a big wide world out there and you’ll soon meet others who will be a true friend to you.

 

~Consider having a private conversation with the person. 

They may not be aware of their behavior and how it’s impacting your relationship.  This can be a good strategy with people with whom you’ve had a great relationship before but lately you’ve felt picked on by them.  Perhaps something has changed–you’ve gotten a promotion or your dream is starting to come true–and they feel unsure if you still value them.

Even if the talk doesn’t go well, it can be an opportunity to set some ground rules and establish clear boundaries.

 

~Take a look at your own self-confidence.  Perhaps they’re getting to you because you feel insecure or inadequate. 

What areas are you feeling unsure of yourself when your frenemy is present?  What can you do to increase your confidence?

 

~Perhaps you’ve taken your eye off your game plan and it’s a reminder to refocus. 

Forget about “keeping up with the Joneses because there’s always going to be someone smarter, younger, cuter, fitter, richer, etc., than you.  And trying to keep up with the Joneses can put you in contact with shallow materialistic people who tend to be frenemies.

 

The next tip is the one I’ve found to be most effective:

 

~Be cheerful, kind, and compassionate. 

It might be too much to ask to behave this way immediately with your frenemy but you can behave pleasantly and with courtesy with the people around you.  Not only will you strengthen your friendships with others but then when your frenemy talks behind your back, they’ll be shown to be the jerk, not you.

 

To sum up, the best ways to deal with frenemies are:

Steer clear of them or limit your contact with them;

Speak up;

Beef up your self-confidence;

Stay focused on your goals and dreams;

Be cheerful, kind, and compassionate.

 

You can do it!

Your Friend and Pep Pal,

Lauren

Happy Independence Day!

I’ve been away from my blog due to Internet connection and computer troubles.

 

 

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Happy Independence Day!   In your celebrations, take a moment to be grateful to those who fought for our inalienable rights to personal freedoms–our freedoms that do not impinge upon or limit another’s rights, that is. Some people have served as first responders and in armed services, some have served as elected officials, and some have served as business people, community members, and advocates.

These people are you and your neighbors.

 

Be thankful that not only are there people brave enough to stand up for injustices and to work tirelessly for a better world for all of us, but that we live in a country where each of us has the right–the obligation, even–to do what each of us can to make our world more just and fair.

Thank you!

 

Your Friend and Pep Pal,

Lauren

Frenemies: 7 Quotes for This Week

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I’ve noticed that lately many people have gone into the archives of Yes I Can Pep Talks post and searched form my posts on frenemies.

This week, we’ll talk more about that because we all have frenemies in our lives. Some of them are easy to deal with because we either have limited contact with them or we know that these people are very unhappy and bitter. Usually we can quickly and easily shake off their words.

But that isn’t true of all the frenemies in our lives.

It’s the frenemies we work with, the frenemies in the clubs and organizations we belong to, the frenemies in our circle of friends, and the frenemies in our families that give us the most trouble. Let’s talk about this category of frenemies this week. We can help each other with tips and techniques we’ve found to be helpful in dealing with these people.

Today, here are a few quotes that we can keep in mind this week as we have dealings with the frenemies in our lives.

 

Betrayal is one of the most valuable lessons Life can teach. ~Shania Twain

 

Sweetie, if you’re going to be tow faced, at least make one of them pretty. ~Marilyn Monroe

 

When you talk about me, it says more about you. ~Joe Biden

 

You got nothing to lose. You don’t lose when you lose fake friends. ~Joan Jett

 

It’s better to be alone than to have a fake friend. ~Ann Palacioa

 

Fire false friends. The are in to fast-forward you fall and failure. ~Israelmore Ayivor

 

Some people will pretend to care jus so they can get a better seat to watch your struggle. Every helping hand isn’t always there to help. ~Unknown

 

Which quote(s) rang true for you? Keep it handy this week and refer to it often. It’ll help you press the reset button after you’ve had dealings with your frenemy.

You’re awesome!

Your Friend and Pep Pal,

Lauren