Self Talk to Neutralize a Bully’s Statements About You

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We’re half way through the week and it can seem as if the weekend—and relief from the bullying at work—will never get here. I have put together a few self talk phrases that I have found helpful and I think they can help you as well. My intent behind them is neutralizing the guilt and shame you may feel that can result from being bullied.

Some of the phrases may have a spiritual bent to them. Please don’t let that put you off. Freely substitute words and concepts that resonate with you. Remember to repeat these, or the ones you craft for yourself, OFTEN. I can’t stress enough the importance of repeating uplifting messages ALL the time when you’re in a bullying situation.

I am innocent

I am anointed by and with Grace and Mercy

I am innocent

I am absolved

I am innocent

I am exonerated

I am innocent

All unjust and malicious accusations regarding me and all gossip about me have been expunged from my mind, my soul, and my spirit

I am innocent

My slate is wiped clean

I am innocent

I am blessed

I am innocent

Magic and Miracles abound in my life

I am innocent

As you can probably guess, I have found the phrase “I am innocent” to be particularly helpful. The bully wants you to believe that everything is your fault, that you are to blame. This is absolutely not true! While the bully is berating you try repeating to yourself the phrase “I am innocent”. Let me know how it works for you.

Good luck, I’m thinking of you. Feel free to share self talk statements that you find very helpful. Thanks!

Your Friend and Pep Pal,

Lauren

Bullying: Get Out

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Two weeks ago we talked about adult bullying and we’ll be continuing this discussion this week. In these posts, I’m referring to bullying that takes place in the work environment.

First of all, though, before being too quick to label a boss or co-worker as a bully, take time to think it through. Some bosses are tough and demanding but they are fair—they don’t belittle or humiliate colleagues or subordinates. Also, colleagues and bosses may have prickly personalities or serious, no-nonsense attitudes but that doesn’t make them bullies. Additionally, co-workers may be going through a difficult time in their personal life and that may make them snippy. Keep this in mind as you think through your interactions with the person(s) in question before jumping to conclusions about them.

When you are dealing with a bully, the most important thing to keep in mind is to get out. You are never going to change them, convince them of your worth and/or your expertise, and over time you will not be able to withstand their onslaught.

There are two ways to get out:

~You or the bully can be transferred to another department or division within the company;

~You or the bully can leave the company.

Perhaps you work in a large enough organization that has a separate HR department and perhaps your company has clear policies regarding bullying and other behaviors that can create a hostile work environment. And perhaps the HR department actually has some backbone and will take appropriate and effective action when complaints are brought to them.

I wouldn’t count on this, though.

I have heard a number of instances where the HR department as well as the higher-ups and executives are well aware that bullying is going on but they ignore it—they don’t do anything about it. And then they scratch their heads and wonder why morale is so bad and why the good people are leaving in droves….

My recommendation is to leave the company. You may like many of your co-workers and you may enjoy the work you’re doing, however, the toll to your career, your self esteem, your mental well-being, and your physical health is not worth it. As I said earlier, you will never convince the bully to change their behavior toward you. No matter how many awards or how much recognition you receive, they will never think well of you. They will only re-double their efforts to tear you down.

You must leave.

You may be thinking that it’s fine and dandy for me to recommend that you leave the company, however, your financial situation requires that you stay employed. Then what do you do?

We’ll be talking about this in upcoming posts. Check back next week.

Your Friend and Pep Pal,

Lauren

Thank you to Those Who Inspire Us

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Yesterday would have been the 92nd birthday of a person who has touched my life profoundly. Even though he is no longer with us, his wisdom and the way he lived his life is still teaching me today.

I am grateful that he lived and that I was privileged to know him. I am thankful for the guidance and inspiration I continue to draw from him.

Today, please join me in celebrating the people who are an inspiration to us, whether they are still here or have passed on. It isn’t about whether or not they were perfect but how they and their lives provide loving guidance to us.

Thank you and Happy Birthday!

Your Friend and Pep Pal,

Lauren

Kindness: Putting Your Best Foot Forward

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Throw kindness around like confetti. ~Molly B. Kansas

The world is a crazy place, seemingly more so now than ever before. Not only is there strife and unrest everywhere we look, but bad behavior seems to be at an all-time high. We’re left feeling overwhelmed and helpless and, sometimes, hopeless. We think there isn’t anything we can do.

I came across today’s quote on a Dove chocolate bar wrapper: Throw kindness around like confetti. ~Molly B. Kansas

I like this quote very much because it’s easy and fun to throw confetti and it’s easy and fun to throw kindness around.

Even if you have a bully boss who trashes the office environment with their abuse, you can be kind and respectful to your coworkers. Even if you have been on the phone waiting on hold for over 45 minutes, instead of being sarcastic and cutting to the person at the call center, you can sympathize with them that some days it’s a tough to keep up at work.

You can remember that everyone has struggles and worries, even those that seem to have it made. You aren’t helping them by being grumpy, cranky, mean, uncaring, and not giving them a break. You’ve been in the same boat and you’ve appreciated a smile, a kind word, or someone giving you the benefit of the doubt. Throw that kindness around, just like handfuls of confetti!

Your Friend and Pep Pal,

Lauren

Bullying – Not Just for Kids

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When someone mentions the word “bullying”, we think of the schoolyard, assuming that bullying is a problem only children face. We believe that when kids grow into adulthood, they drop their childish ways: We think they’ll become more understanding and compassionate, that they’ll develop mastery over their emotions, that they’ll learn to be helpful to others, and that they’ll strive to become the best version of themselves. This is the course we’ve followed and we figure that everyone else will, too.

But they don’t.

Some adult bullies carry their bullying ways from childhood into adulthood. Others were nice as youngsters but something happened along their pathway to adulthood that turned them into bullies.

The point is that bullying is not a problem just for children. We adults can—and do—face it every day, too. We can encounter adult bullies in a variety of settings such as clubs and organizations, churches, neighborhoods, within our group of friends, and at work.

We don’t foresee this, which is why it’s so shocking when we run up against it. We expect adults to behave like, well, adults. We don’t anticipate that they’ll humiliate, belittle, or sabotage us or that we’ll see them do this to others. When we experience bullying directly or indirectly (witnessing another being bullied), we’re left bewildered, stunned, and wondering if what we just experienced/witnessed really did happen.

The effects can be devastating. We can feel isolated and alone, which leads to anxiety and depression. Our self-confidence plummets, our work suffers, and our mental and physical health can be negatively impacted. Anxiety.org has published a good article on bullying in the workplace. It contains additional information and resources regarding workplace bullying. 

The good news is there are things we can do to help ourselves if/when we find ourselves in this type of situation. We can:

~Get out.

~Develop a support system.

~Pursue professional development opportunities.

~Feel good about ourselves.

~Take care of ourselves.

~Keep work in perspective.

We will talk more about these in upcoming posts. Stay tuned and check back often!

In the meantime, here are a few statements to say to yourself this week:

I am a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars.

I am valuable and my thoughts, ideas, and talents are desperately needed in the world.

I am fully loaded with all I’ll need to create a wonderful life for myself.

I am someone’s miracle.

I am perfectly positioned to make my mark in the world.

I am so grateful that this situation is setting me up to be slingshotted decades ahead in my career and my life.

I am enlivened and aglow with the Divine Spark within me.

Repeat these statements first thing in the morning, several times throughout the day, and the last thing before going to bed. Let their power and inspiration infuse your mind, body, soul, and spirit.

You can do this, Pep Pal, especially since we’ll be doing it together!

Your Friend and Pep Pal,

Lauren

Best Wishes for 2019!

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Together, we are going to make a wonderful 2019 for ourselves because together we’re going to create soul-prospering lives.

I haven’t posted much in the last half of 2018. Even though I wasn’t posting, I was thinking of you and wishing you Peace and Goodness.

As I said, the second half of 2018 was difficult due to challenges that have forced me to reach deeper into myself. I continue to wrestle with these challenges—no, they didn’t automatically disappear at 12:00:01 AM on January 1, 2019 (darn!) (Haha!). Because of these, I have gained information and knowledge that is very helpful to me and I think it can help you, too. While it’s been good overall, holy moly it has been difficult and painful!!!

I hesitate to tell you that it’s been difficult and painful, however, it seems that’s the way growth and development goes. While we can learn techniques and have tools and information to work with during difficulties, it isn’t until obstacles, setbacks, and heartbreaks show up that we get to take our knowledge and tools out for a spin—just like we do with a car.

During the challenging times, we get to take everything we’ve learned and that we know and kick the tires on it. We see how quickly they respond in the sharp curves and steep hills, and how they perform when the conditions are icy and snowy, or in a hard steady rain when there’s flooding all around.

We’ll talk more about this in upcoming posts. I’ll share my experiences and what I’ve learned from them and I look forward to hearing about what you’ve experienced and learned.

While I’d love to get back to my schedule of daily posts, I know it’s unrealistic. For right now, I plan to post once a week on Mondays. Let’s help each other start the week off on a positive note!

With that in mind, here are positive truths for us to embrace this week. Join me in saying the following:

I am a Child of the Universe; I have a right to be here.

I am a valuable part of the world.

I am talented, gifted, and skilled, and what I offer is needed in the world.

I am kind.

I am generous.

I am positive.

I am ready for all the Magic, Miracles, and Majesty that is mine in 2019!

Happy New Year!

Your Friend and Pep Pal,

Lauren