We’re still talking about the TD Jakes motivational video entitled You Can Do It. Today we’re talking about the segment from 7:00 – 7:30, which is about your commitment to crafting your own soul-prospering life
Sometimes we look to others to be committed to our dreams while we hang back. We don’t fully commit to our own dreams. Not only do others pick up on this so they are reluctant to help for fear of taking on the burden of making our dreams come true, but it’s also a back-handed way of us asking for permission, if our idea is good enough, if we have what it takes
First of all, it’s our dream and isn’t the responsibility of someone else to achieve on our behalf.
Secondly, it’s our dream so WE are the one with the Vision and the special talents needed to manifest the dream. Others don’t have the Vision and they don’t have the special talents needed. It’s unfair–and perhaps cruel–to expect them to make our dreams come true for us.
Third, no one else can judge us and tell us if we’re good enough or if we have what it takes. No one else can give us permission–or withhold it. The fact that we have the dream is enough proof that we have what it takes and it’s also all the permission we’ll ever need.
Go for it! Go for your dreams!
Join me in listening to the video, paying particular attention to the segment between 7:00 – 7:30, and let me know what you think.
Yesterday we talked about taking ourselves in hand and giving ourselves a good, old-fashioned talking-to when we find ourselves backsliding in our quest to make a break from things that are not serving us. The other part of that process is to then give a warm welcome to the new direction in which we’re headed.
For instance, suppose you wan to spend more time goofing around with your kids but work, chores around the house, volunteer activities, and the like, keep tugging you away. You realize it’s time to take yourself in hand and stop with all the excuses, justifications, and reasons.
It’s time for a good, old-fashioned talking-to!
I recommend sitting yourself down in a quiet place where you won’t have any distractions and you won’t be disturbed for about 15 minutes.
Step 1: Talk to yourself candidly and bluntly–NOT harshly but rather blunty, which means you aren’t sugar coating anything and you aren’t letting yourself off the hook.
~Remind yourself just how important your kids are to you.
~Remember when your parents spent time with you when you were a child and how that made you feel.
~Recall when your parents didn’t have time for you and dismissed you or, perhaps, they didn’t follow through on something the said they’d do for you or do with you. How did that make you feel?
~Do you think your kids are any different than you–that they’d have different feelings and emotions than you did?
~If you keep putting off spending time with them, do you think they’ll be less hurt than you were when your parents put you off?
Step 2: Add the warm welcome.
~Remind yourself how good you’ll feel knowing that you’re re-connecting with your kids
~Picture in your mind following through on tossing the ball back and forth with your kids or the fun you’ll have in making a batch of cookies with them.
~Focus on taking things in baby steps.
~Keep telling yourself that you can do it; it’s about connecting and not about perfection or everyone laughing and smiling and talking. It’s about being fully in the moment with your kids.
~Give yourself credit for the efforts your making and the following through on your intentions. They all add up!
Although our example is about parents reconnecting with their kids, the steps can be applied to anything your making a break from and anything you’re moving toward.
I want to help you get the week off to a great start and today’s post contains 12 statements you can make to yourself first thing in the morning, throughout your day, and the last thoughts before bedtime.
You may not believe it but you do have what it takes. The day and week ahead may seem daunting but it’s manageable when you take it one little piece at a time. Don’t look too far ahead down the road and DO NOT look behind, especially don’t do this in judgment of yourself–harsh judgment in particular.
In spite of your circumstances, and instead of waking up with dread and misgivings and fretting, tell yourself that you can’t wait to see the good that will come to you today and the beauty that you’ll see along the way. Even if it feels like a lie and the most outlandish thing to think about the day, think it anyway. You need to retrain your mind and starting with your thoughts and your attitudes at the beginning of the day is a great place to start.
Here are some pep statements you can say to yourself in the morning, especially as you’re brushing your teeth and washing up in front of the mirror. Look at yourself. Right in the eyes. SMILE at yourself–in spite of the toothbrush in your mouth!–and say these statements with as much enthusiasm and pep as you can:
I have what it takes;
No matter what, I can and I will figure it out;
I can take care of myself; I can stand on my own two feet;
I have resources I can turn to that will support me as I figure it out;
I am talented and smart;
I am creative and can think of new and interesting and fun ways to use my talents, my abilities, my skills and my knowledge in ground-breaking ways to help myself;
All the raw materials I need to build my soul-prospering life are already within me;
I am strong, I am capable, I am competent; I am well able;
I am locked and loaded for victory and for greatness in my own life;
My life is the perfect fit for me and I am a perfect fit for my life:
I am approved, anointed, and I have the authority to live my life my way;
I am the only one who can live my life successfully, with majesty and greatness–no one else can do it; only I can!
Now stand straight and tall with your shoulders back and your head held high, looking the world square in the face. Now go out there and craft your soul-prospering life!
Wouldst make thy life go fair and square?
Thou must not for the past feel care;
Whatever thy loss, thou must not mourn;
Must ever act as if new-born.
What each day wants of thee, that ask;
What each day tells thee, that make thy task;
With pride thine own performance viewing,
With heart to admire another’s doing;
Above all, hate no human being,
And all the future leave to the All-Seeing.
We know we need to let go, to forgive; most of all we know we need to move on.
How do we do that when the injustice, the hurt, the humiliation, the pain, the loss is still so fresh and sharp, even though the original incident happened years ago?
The best, most effective way is to stop looking at the past and the thing that happened. Instead, look to the future.
But what if we can’t tear your focus away from the past; what if the future has no joy or hope?
The solution is to build a better image of the future, something we can look forward to. If we can’t do this then that means we’ve built up a much stronger, more compelling image of the past than we have of the future.
Focus on you. Focus on where you are headed. Focus on your dreams. If this is too much and you can’t do it, then focus on the next best step you can take in the next moment, the next hour, the next part of the day. Keep focusing on this–taking the next best step. Focus on it minute by minute.
Be relentless about this focus and you will find one day that you have dropped the heavy baggage from the past–the injustices and insults, the hurts and humiliations, the pain and pessimism.
Give it a try and let me know how it’s working out for you. You can do it!
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson.
This is excellent advice. Reviewing your day to look for ways to improve is one thing but going over your day and agonizing over it does no good whatsoever.
Berating yourself over the day does not turn back the clock and give you a second chance at it. It doesn’t erase what you did or did not do. The only thing agonizing and berating does is punish and torture you.
Where’s the good in that? There isn’t any–it doesn’t uplift you.
How does that help you move forward? It doesn’t.
How can you tell the difference between a healthy review of your day and agonizing over the day? With a healthy review, once you are finished, you put it aside and forget about it. When you are agonizing, you don’t put it aside. You keep poking at it, stirring it up, and you can’t leave it alone. It stays with you for hours–sometimes even through the night, disturbing your rest.
In order to train yourself to let the day go, post this quote on your bathroom mirror. As you’re washing up and getting ready for bed, read it and think about it. Let it’s simple wisdom loosen your grip on the day.
Law of Attraction: when you truly want something and go after it without limiting yourself with disbelief, the Universe will make it happen. ~www.facebook.com/thesecret
I’ve been thinking about this quote all day. What’s been sticking in my mind is the phrase “…without limiting yourself with disbelief…”. This is the key to achieving your dreams!
If you’re constantly trash-talking yourself, and even if you have the most supportive, encouraging, competent mentoring team in the world, you will not reach your dreams. Your limiting beliefs–trash talk–will sabotage and trip you up every single time.
With upbeat, encouraging self-talk you’ll not only overcome obstacles and challenges, but you’ll also neutralize the comments and attitudes of people who think you don’t have what it takes to succeed.
Here are examples of empowering self-talk statements:
I’m going to take this mess and turn it into my message to help others!
This setback is really a set-up for my fame and fortune!
I’m a victor, never a victim!
My future’s so bright, I need my sunglasses on all the time!
For an extra kick, stand in front of the mirror and say these to yourself. Be sure to have a grin on your face and be enthusiastic!
It’s important, too, to keep up our morale. Sometimes we can turn to others but we may find that those close to us might be unnerved by the changes they’re sensing in us. We may not be able to rely on them to be as supportive as they’ve always been. We need to allow them to get used to the changes in us as much as we need to give ourselves a chance to get used to them!
In the meantime, we can boost our own morale. When we need encouragement, we can read accounts of how others have successfully changed and improved their lives. We can do some mirror work and encourage as well as soothe ourselves by saying that this challenging and/or uncomfortable phase will pass–it won’t last forever.
Getting out into Nature can be grounding, as can yoga, deep breathing, light exercise, and contemplation.
Other people have found that cleaning and organizing can center them. Many people find that cooking, baking bread, and tinkering in workshops can calm their nerves and steady them.
Experiment with different activities and note which ones work best for you. Feel free to use them as an aid to help you take the next step–even if it’s “just” an itsy-bitsy tidbit of a step!
When my daughter was young, it seemed as if the world was a very dangerous place. There were wars and conflicts and “police actions” everywhere, it seemed. Taxes were high, prices were going up, and it looked as if new diseases were popping up daily.
I remember walking out to the mailbox one day and I was uptight and on edge because of worries about the state of the world and feeling anxious and inadequate protecting my daughter from all the “bad stuff” that was out there.
Standing in front of the mailbox. I had a moment of astounding clarity. In that moment, I realized I was okay. My daughter was okay–better than okay, actually! My family was okay, too.
That day happened to be a beautiful spring day and I remember feeling the warmth of the sun on my shoulders and hearing the birds chirping. It occurred to me that if the world was that terrible of a place, the flowers wouldn’t be blooming, and the air wouldn’t be springtime-fresh.
In that moment, I knew all was well.
Over the years I’ve returned to the saying “all is well” over and over again because it’s usually true. From one moment to the next, all really is well–even in spite of issues that I may have to deal with. Any perceived unpleasantness is usually in the future, not in the moment. And if it is unpleasant in that particular moment, it does not last forever and very soon, I can go back to saying in each moment that all is well.
During your day, remind yourself of this fact–especially when you find your thoughts veering off the road into the ditch of negative thinking. Pull them back by reminding yourself that right now, right here, in this moment, all is well.
Let me know how saying “All is well” works for you in the comment section below. If you’ve come up with tweaks that make it work better for you, feel free to share those in the comments below as well. Thanks for sharing!
Today I’m exhausted and I couldn’t figure out why. I’ve been making sure to eat nutritious food, I’m incorporating more movement and short exercise sessions throughout the day, I’ve been getting enough sleep….
Although I’ve been drinking water throughout each day, I suppose I could bump up the amount—not sure I’m getting the full 8 glasses in! Even so, this shouldn’t account for why I’m so tired.
I decided to sit quietly and ask myself what’s going on, why so tired? After a few moments, I had the thought: the comfort zone.
It occurred to me that lately I’ve been working outside of my comfort zone. I think this tiredness is my emotional self’s way of telling me that it needs time to assimilate and get used to the newness. I think it’s telling me to ease up a bit.
So, here is what I’m going to do today to honor the request of easing up a bit (and what I’ve done so far):
~I’m going to brew a pot of Constant Comment tea (Bigelow brand) and have cups of hot tea, with lemon, throughout the day. I can remember winter evenings as a child when Mom was cooking dinner and Dad was on his way home from work…. Mom would always brew a pot of Constant Comment tea for her and Dad. We kids were young and usually drank milk at dinner. It was a treat when Mom would pour a little bit of tea into our milk.
Maybe instead of lemon, I’ll add milk to my tea for a full “throwback” experience.
I am specifically choosing the tea because it is a throwback experience. The tea invokes a vivid memory of when Mom and Dad were young and strong so I was safe and secure in the world. Connecting with this memory will help me bring those feelings of safety and security into my day today. What sorts of things do you do to comfort yourself?
~As I got ready this morning, I took a few moments to do some mirror work. I smiled at myself in the mirror and said to my emotional self: All is well. We’re doing this together. We’re taking it one step at a time and, in plenty of time, we’ll easily see when there are any upcoming bumps in the road. When we see them, we’ll put our heads together and we’ll come up with a plan—we’re smart gals! And, if we need to, we’ll get help. The ladies at the library are fantastic at helping us find resources. And, recently we’ve met a lot of nice business people who have great information they’re freely sharing. We know we can also search the Internet for resources and information. We’ll figure it out—we have before and we’ll do it again! All is well!
I feel better after I give myself a pep talk! What uplifting statements do you say to yourself?
~My playlist! Today I know I need an extra dose of positivity and uplifting, and listening to good stuff is another way I give myself the boost I need. Today I’ll be listening to Ella Fitzgerald. I love her smooth, mellow voice. I’ll listen to the “Pure Ella” album (the 1954 version) that’s my favorite (right now, at least!). I’ll also listen to different songs that are on YouTube: Peggy Lee’s “It’s a Good Day”, The Planetshakers “Nothing is Impossible”, American Authors “Go Big or Go Home”, American Authors “The Best Day of My Life” American Authors “Pride”, Katy Perry’s “Roar”, Handel’s Messiah….
Yes, I know, a very eclectic mix! All of it is music that makes me feel that everything is okay; it’s all working out; all is well.
What’s your playlist?
Writing this post and telling you about the things I’m doing today has given me a boost! Now I can get busy and have a productive day! I hope you can have one, too!
Your homework today is to jot down the things you can do to give yourself a boost when you’re feeling tired, unsure, or anxious. Feel free to use some of the things I’ve shared here.
This is important homework to do because when you’re in the grip of fear and doubt, it’s easy to say that you’ll give yourself a break and back off for today. So often, though, “today” turns into tomorrow and then the next tomorrow…. Before you know it, you turn around and find that for the past week—or more!—you’ve drifted and lost your momentum. When you first notice anxiety or some other emotion creeping in, with your list handy, it’ll be easier for you to hold steady and keep on course.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. ~Leo Buscaglia
One aspect of living the life of your dreams is joy and a manifestations of joy is smiling.
Your homework today is to be extravagantly, wastefully, generous in giving your smiles away. Your smile is awesome and you never know who it will help, even if fleetingly, and how that help will boomerang back to you.
Remember to smile at yourself, too! Stand straight and tall in front of your mirror and smile at yourself. And, don’t give it a lick and a promise! Take the time to really look at yourself, the way your smile causes your eyes to sparkle and creates a pleasant glow about you. Relish the positive and joyous feelings that smiling at yourself gives you.
Give yourself something to smile about such as when reviewing your week, smile and whoop and dance with joy at all the progress you’ve made, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant. It all adds up so it all counts!!
And celebrate with your friends and family by having a Send a Smile fest! Make a game of it by seeing who can smile the biggest, who can smile the wackiest, who has the cutest smile, and any other categories you can think of.