Here are 7 quotes about frenemies for this week. Let me know which one(s) ring true for you.
Thank you fake friends! You’ve only made me stronger and wiser. ~Unknown
Time will prove the worth of friendship. As time goes by we lose the false ones and keep the best. True friends stay when all the rest are gone. ~Ritu Ghatourey
Don’t worry about those who talk behind your back. They’re behind you for a reason. ~Unknown
An honest enemy is better than a false friend. When in doubt, pay more attention to what people do and less to what they say. Actions not only speak louder than words, they are more difficult to fake. ~Zero Dean
An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind. ~The Buddha
A friend who stands with you in pressure is more valuable than a hundred ones who stand with you in pleasure. ~Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton
Better to have an enemy who slaps you in the face than a friend who stabs you in the back. ~Unknown
Tomorrow we’re going to be talking about handling the feelings you have after being with a frenemy. Come back and join the conversation!
Scientists have shown that meditating is good for you. A regular practice can help to lower blood pressure, fight insomnia and lead to a better night’s sleep, among other things.
Another thing meditation can do is to help us calm down and press the reset button after an attack by a frenemy.
No, you don’t have to twist yourself into an uncomfortable position and hold it forever; no, you don’t have to chant or “ohm”. All you need to do is to sit quietly and tune into the serene part of yourself.
Focus on that part of yourself that’s timeless and limitless. Doing this can help to put the situation and the frenemy in perspective. In doing this you’ll see that your frenemy is someone to be pitied, rather than punched. It’s a sad, insecure person who’s worried about their prospects in the future who tends to be a frenemy. People who are creating a soul-prospering life tend to be authentic, helpful, and optimistic.
Also, when you go within, you’ll be reminded of your talents, gifts, and the soul-prospering life you’re crafting for yourself!
Frenemy is someone who acts like a friend–they’re nice to you and they seem to cheer you on to your goals–but in subtle or even overt ways, they sabotage you. They can make you feel bad about yourself and cause you to second-guess yourself. They may take credit for the work you’ve done and they may gossip about you behind your back.
Frenemies have been around for a while. Both Cicero and Benjamin Franklin cautioned their peers about false friends–frenemies.
Sometimes frenemies are easy to spot and easy to steer clear of. They’re obviously unhappy and nasty people and you naturally shy away from them.
But sometimes they’re close to us and we don’t always recognize them for who they truly are. It could be that we work with them, or they’re in our circle of friends, or we may be related to them.
How do you deal with these people, the ones we have no choice but to live and work with?
~If you can’t eliminated your contact with them, limit it as much as you can.
Remember that it’s better to be alone for a while rather than spending time with a person who doesn’t celebrate you. It’s a big wide world out there and you’ll soon meet others who will be a true friend to you.
~Consider having a private conversation with the person.
They may not be aware of their behavior and how it’s impacting your relationship. This can be a good strategy with people with whom you’ve had a great relationship before but lately you’ve felt picked on by them. Perhaps something has changed–you’ve gotten a promotion or your dream is starting to come true–and they feel unsure if you still value them.
Even if the talk doesn’t go well, it can be an opportunity to set some ground rules and establish clear boundaries.
~Take a look at your own self-confidence. Perhaps they’re getting to you because you feel insecure or inadequate.
What areas are you feeling unsure of yourself when your frenemy is present? What can you do to increase your confidence?
~Perhaps you’ve taken your eye off your game plan and it’s a reminder to refocus.
Forget about “keeping up with the Joneses because there’s always going to be someone smarter, younger, cuter, fitter, richer, etc., than you. And trying to keep up with the Joneses can put you in contact with shallow materialistic people who tend to be frenemies.
The next tip is the one I’ve found to be most effective:
~Be cheerful, kind, and compassionate.
It might be too much to ask to behave this way immediately with your frenemy but you can behave pleasantly and with courtesy with the people around you. Not only will you strengthen your friendships with others but then when your frenemy talks behind your back, they’ll be shown to be the jerk, not you.
To sum up, the best ways to deal with frenemies are:
Steer clear of them or limit your contact with them;
The world would have us believe that opportunities are rare and that if we don’t grab them when they come along, not only are they gone forever but there may not be other ones coming our way any time soon.
I like this poem because it tells us that the sentiment stated above is not true–not at all. While certain opportunities may pass us by and be gone forever, each day brings with it not only a clean slate, but also a whole slew of new opportunities.
Enjoy the poem then afterward, in the comments section, let me know what you thought of it. Enjoy!
by Walter Malone
They do me wrong who say I come no more
When once I knock and fail to find you in;
For every day I stand outside your door
And bid you wake and rise to fight and win.
Wail not for precious chances passed away!
Weep not for golden ages on the wane!
Each night I burn the records of the day;
At sunrise every soul is born again.
Laugh like a boy at splendors that have sped;
To vanished joys be blind and deaf and dumb;
My judgments seal the dead past with its dead,
But never bind a moment yet to come.
Though deep in mire, wring not your hands and weep;
Is there a time of year or a season that reminds you of a loved one? Of course Christmas and other big celebrations remind us of our loving family and friends, however, is there another time that triggers warm thoughts of the people–or a person–you care about?
Strawberries are one of the markers in the year that does this for me. When it’s strawberry season, I can’t help thinking about my Mom. I shared with you last week my childhood memories of strawberries and my Mom. Strawberries also remind me of her birthday. I think the strawberries celebrate her birthday, too, because they seem to peak right around her special day!
When I was at the farm picking strawberries earlier this week, I marveled at how there were loads of ripe ones close by for the picking. I didn’t have to range through the patch looking for enough to fill my quart container. Within a step or two of where I started, there were plenty for me.
Our loved one’s caring and love for us is much the same. People who truly love us are always there for us–only a step or two away. They may not know how to help us and we may become frustrated because of this. If we take a deep breath and center ourselves, we can see and feel their loving concern even though all they can do is send prayers and good vibes to us. We can help them help us by believing and knowing that they are thinking of us and sending us their very best thoughts and wishes.
Thanks, strawberries, for reminding us that our loved ones truly do care for us and want the very best for us.
We’ve all heard that controlling our thoughts is the key to living the life of our dreams–our soul-prospering life. This is true; I can attest to it.
In my current situation, I find myself thrown together with someone who has a very strong personality and is incredibly opinionated. When I’m with these types of people I’m often overwhelmed by the force of their personalities. This current situation is giving me ample opportunity to learn at a deeper level how to control my thoughts.
When I feel overwhelmed it’s because I’m using the world’s judgment, values, and measuring tools to decide whether or not I’m good enough. I’m letting someone else decide my worthiness–or lack of it. I’m forgetting that, just like everyone else, at my core:
~I am good enough.
~I am awesome at being me
~I am valuable
~I am needed
~I am fully loaded with awesome gifts and talents
~I am capable and competent
~I am destined to make my mark
These statements are true about you, too!
Feel free to use the above statements and say them to yourself over and over and over again whenever you feel overwhelmed, intimidated, not good enough, or any other emotion that makes you feel less than. You are much, much more than you realize.