One way to take care of ourselves if we’re a victim of workplace bullying is to remember and know deep within ourselves that we are much, much more than the small piece of ourselves that the bully is targeting. This poem reminds us about the Hidden Gems within each of us.
By Ella Wheeler Wilcox
We know not what lies in us, till we seek; Men dive for pearls—they are not found on shore, The hillsides most unpromising and bleak Do sometimes hide the ore.
Go, dive in the vast ocean of thy mind, O man! far down below the noisy waves, Down in the depths and silence thou mayst find Rare pearls and coral caves.
Sink thou a shaft into the mine of thought; Be patient, like the seekers after gold; Under the rocks and rubbish lieth what May bring thee wealth untold.
Reflected from the vastly Infinite, However dulled by earth, each human mind Holds somewhere gems of beauty and of light Which, seeking, thou shalt find.
I hope this helps you. Next week we’ll talk more about how to take care of ourselves while we are in a bullying situation and as we are searching for a new position.
We will get through this together. As beloved family members frequently counsel me, “This, too, shall pass.”
We’re half way through the week and it can seem as if the weekend—and relief from the bullying at work—will never get here. I have put together a few self talk phrases that I have found helpful and I think they can help you as well. My intent behind them is neutralizing the guilt and shame you may feel that can result from being bullied.
Some of the phrases may have a spiritual bent to them. Please don’t let that put you off. Freely substitute words and concepts that resonate with you. Remember to repeat these, or the ones you craft for yourself, OFTEN. I can’t stress enough the importance of repeating uplifting messages ALL the time when you’re in a bullying situation.
I am innocent
I am anointed by and with Grace and Mercy
I am innocent
I am absolved
I am innocent
I am exonerated
I am innocent
All unjust and malicious accusations regarding me and all gossip about me have been expunged from my mind, my soul, and my spirit
I am innocent
My slate is wiped clean
I am innocent
I am blessed
I am innocent
Magic and Miracles abound in my life
I am innocent
As you can probably guess, I have found the phrase “I am innocent” to be particularly helpful. The bully wants you to believe that everything is your fault, that you are to blame. This is absolutely not true! While the bully is berating you try repeating to yourself the phrase “I am innocent”. Let me know how it works for you.
Good luck, I’m thinking of you. Feel free to share self talk statements that you find very helpful. Thanks!
Two weeks ago we talked about adult bullying and we’ll be continuing this discussion this week. In these posts, I’m referring to bullying that takes place in the work environment.
First of all, though, before being too quick to label a boss or co-worker as a bully, take time to think it through. Some bosses are tough and demanding but they are fair—they don’t belittle or humiliate colleagues or subordinates. Also, colleagues and bosses may have prickly personalities or serious, no-nonsense attitudes but that doesn’t make them bullies. Additionally, co-workers may be going through a difficult time in their personal life and that may make them snippy. Keep this in mind as you think through your interactions with the person(s) in question before jumping to conclusions about them.
When you are dealing with a bully, the most important thing to keep in mind is to get out. You are never going to change them, convince them of your worth and/or your expertise, and over time you will not be able to withstand their onslaught.
There are two ways to get out:
~You or the bully can be transferred to another department or division within the company;
~You or the bully can leave the company.
Perhaps you work in a large enough organization that has a separate HR department and perhaps your company has clear policies regarding bullying and other behaviors that can create a hostile work environment. And perhaps the HR department actually has some backbone and will take appropriate and effective action when complaints are brought to them.
I wouldn’t count on this, though.
I have heard a number of instances where the HR department as well as the higher-ups and executives are well aware that bullying is going on but they ignore it—they don’t do anything about it. And then they scratch their heads and wonder why morale is so bad and why the good people are leaving in droves….
My recommendation is to leave the company. You may like many of your co-workers and you may enjoy the work you’re doing, however, the toll to your career, your self esteem, your mental well-being, and your physical health is not worth it. As I said earlier, you will never convince the bully to change their behavior toward you. No matter how many awards or how much recognition you receive, they will never think well of you. They will only re-double their efforts to tear you down.
You must leave.
You may be thinking that it’s fine and dandy for me to recommend that you leave the company, however, your financial situation requires that you stay employed. Then what do you do?
We’ll be talking about this in upcoming posts. Check back next week.
I believe each one of us is on this Earth for a specific reason and that reason is to live a soul-prospering life. When we do this, we’re contributing our unique combination of gifts, abilities, and talents to the overarching goal of creating a better world. In the process, we get to live a deeply satisfying and fulfilling life that matters profoundly.
With this in mind, I’d like to share what I’m doing to live my soul-prospering life. Since I’m the author of this blog, I’m sure it comes as no surprise that I like to write. Here is a flash fiction story that I wrote this summer. Flash fiction is a short story of 500 words or less, although some people say the upper limit is 1000 words.
A special treat for you is that this story is part of a blog hop. At the end you’ll see links to others’ flash fiction stories. This is my first time participating and I’m very excited about it.
My story is 493 words and is called Black Moon. I hope you enjoy it-enjoy the other stories as well!
Mama turned from the front window of our snug cottage hidden in the dark woods. Even though the lights were out, the star glow was enough to show me her worried face. “A Black Moon on All Hallow’s Eve. I thought surely you’d– ”
“What, Mama? Whatever it is, I’ll do it.” I didn’t know what was upsetting her but I wanted to make her smile. “It’s still my birthday. We can be happy about that, right?”
“Of course, my love! The second New Moon in a month combined with your thirteenth birthday on All Hallow’s Eve. A very special night, indeed.” Mama hugged me, her fuzzy sweater tickling my nose.
Rustling in the woods drew her to the window.
Oh! A sharp twinge in my hips. I waited for pain but it didn’t come. Instead, it felt…natural.
A sudden rush of raw power from Mother Earth coursed through me from my feet to my head. What was going on?
Rather than fear, giddiness filled me. I bounded to Mama and threw my arms around her. “I lovelovelove the night!”
Mama laughed. “That’s because you’re a vampire.” She growled, pretending to nibble my neck.
“No, Mama.” I giggled. “Then I couldn’t eat your yummy meatloaf, so full of garlic.”
“Hmmm, true.” Mama pretended to think. “I know! You’re really a pixie or a wood sprite, and you fly like the wind.”
“Nope, not it.” I moved from her embrace and rolled my shoulders to ease the cramping. “Flying isn’t the only way to race like the wind.”
“Then you’re a zombie.” She lumbered toward me, arms outstretched.
I shrieked. “No, Mama!” The bones in my feet crackled as I dashed away from her.
“Then you’re a fairy or maybe an elf.”
“They’re too small and scrawny and won’t make decent toothpicks much less tasty tidbits.”
“Well then, that leaves one thing. You’re a–”
Yips and barks close to our cottage.
“Oh no!” She let out a cry of fear.
My gaze sharpened on her. She looked delicate as she backed away from the window.
A howl echoed on the still night air. My pulse quickened. My bones ached, muscles throbbed. It felt so good! I stretched in anticipation.
She blindly reached back for me. “Hide! Wolves!”
Yes Mama, yes. That’s it!
I snapped my jaws now filled with gleaming teeth. I crept toward her, reveling in the power of my new form.
She saw me. Surprise on her face.
I inhaled. Ahhh, the sharp tang of fear. My mouth watered. I moved in.
A hard thump at the door followed by a rumbling growl that shook my bones. I stopped, crouched. Uncertain.
She dropped to her knees, relief flooding her face. Now on her hands, too. Broadening, elongating.
Now I was surprised.
She padded to me, her claws clicking on the hardwood floor. “Welcome, Pup!” She nuzzled me, her soft fur tickling my nose. “Come, meet your true family.”
Happy Halloween, my dear Pep Pals! Feel free to share in the comments what you do that’s soul-prospering. Thanks!
Your Friend and Pep Pal,
Here are the links to the other stories in this blog hop. Have fun reading!
One of the most important parts of the day is the early morning hours when we first awaken. How we use those minutes sets the tone and the pace for the day. Successful people as well as experts in the Personal Development field encourage us to start with something positive and uplifting.
Here is a Pep Rally to help us get off on the right foot each day. Thee best way to use these statements is to stand tall in front of a mirror, smile brightly, and say these with as much enthusiasm as possible:
I am in charge!
I am in charge of myself
I am in charge of my life
I am in charge of my present moment
I am in charge of my future
I am in charge of what I think about
I am in charge of what I believe about myself
II am in charge of what I believe about my dreams
I am in charge of my capabilities, skills, and abilities
I am in charge of my competency, intelligence, common sense, and street smarts
I am in charge of saying yes
I am in charge of saying no
I am in charge of my emotions and feelings
I am in charge of how I interpret each situation
I am in charge of looking for the good, the benefit, the catapult moving me forward in all situations
I am in charge of taking action, taking baby steps, of moving forward
I am in charge of getting it done
I am in charge of just doing it
I am in charge of my moods and temperament
I am in charge of taking one more step
I am in charge of the cards that Life has dealt me
I am in charge of whether an event, a situation–or what another has or hasn’t done to me or for me–whether it makes me or breaks me
I am in charge of what I do and what I do not
I am in charge of my doubts
I am in charge of my fears
I am in charge of my worries
I am in charge of my sadness
I am in charge of my anger
I am in charge of my disappointment
I am in charge of my frustration and annoyance
I am in charge of my despondency and depression
I am in charge of my anxieties and panicks
I am in charge of my body
I am in charge of my mind
I am in charge of my soul
I am in charge of my spirituality
I am in charge of how I respond to others
I am in charge of how I respond to situations
I am in charge of how I respond to events
I am in charge of how I respond to getting the short end of the stick
I am in charge of my freedom
I am in charge of my thoughts
I am in charge of my dreams
I am in charge!
If any of these statements resonate with you, jot them down and keep them handy. Say them often to yourself through out thee day.