This world is a noisy, crazy–sometimes terrifying–place and it seems as if it’s getting noisier, crazier, and more terrifying by the minute. We’re overwhelmed by it all and, what’s worse, it seems as if there’s no relief coming anytime soon.
This is how Sitting in Silence can help. This practice gives you the opportunity to make much needed space–margin, as it’s called these days–in your life.
To be a vibrant, whole person who’s fully engaged in living life, you need this space. You need space to think, space to feel, space to make sense of things. You need space to absorb your thoughts and feelings, and assimilate them into your life. These are the basis of your success and happiness in life.
I urge and encourage you to Sit in Silence every single day. Do it first thing in the morning for fifteen minutes. Stick with it for a month and see what happens. I am positive you’ll be pleased with the calmness that will settle into your life.
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson.
This is excellent advice. Reviewing your day to look for ways to improve is one thing but going over your day and agonizing over it does no good whatsoever.
Berating yourself over the day does not turn back the clock and give you a second chance at it. It doesn’t erase what you did or did not do. The only thing agonizing and berating does is punish and torture you.
Where’s the good in that? There isn’t any–it doesn’t uplift you.
How does that help you move forward? It doesn’t.
How can you tell the difference between a healthy review of your day and agonizing over the day? With a healthy review, once you are finished, you put it aside and forget about it. When you are agonizing, you don’t put it aside. You keep poking at it, stirring it up, and you can’t leave it alone. It stays with you for hours–sometimes even through the night, disturbing your rest.
In order to train yourself to let the day go, post this quote on your bathroom mirror. As you’re washing up and getting ready for bed, read it and think about it. Let it’s simple wisdom loosen your grip on the day.
We’ve all been afraid, especially when we’re going after our dreams. Fear seeps into our thoughts not only when we’re outside our comfort zone but even when we’re just thinking about maybe stepping a tiny bit outside, perhaps….
Have you ever suffered a frenemy attack? Perhaps a colleague at work–someone you’d worked well with previously–throws you under the bus; now it’s you the boss is unfairly zeroing in on. Maybe, in confidence, you told a friend something very personal only to find when the whole group gets together that everyone knows….
After you recover from the shock and embarrassment, what do you say to yourself?
I’m sure you have thoughts of anger and you may even think about revenge how you’ll avenge yourself.. You may feel fear or worried because this may negatively impact your career. You may be sad and disappointed that someone you thought was a friend turned around and betrayed you.
These thoughts and feeling can lead to you telling yourself lies such as:
Maybe I am less talented;
Maybe I don’t have what it takes to be team leader;
Maybe I’ve been deluding myself all along and maybe I truly am an idiot…
NONE OF THESE THOUGHTS ARE TRUE!! THEY’RE ALL LIES!!!
Here are a few things to tell yourself instead:
This says more about them than it does about me;
This will show me who my true friends and allies are;
I am talented, I am intelligent, I do have a lot on the ball;
I am a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars. I have a right to be here. (from the Desiderata by Max Ehrmann)
Choose on of these thoughts to keep handy–or one that you’ve thought of for yourself. When a frenemy attacks, repeat to yourself the positive statements about yourself.
Here are 7 quotes about frenemies for this week. Let me know which one(s) ring true for you.
Thank you fake friends! You’ve only made me stronger and wiser. ~Unknown
Time will prove the worth of friendship. As time goes by we lose the false ones and keep the best. True friends stay when all the rest are gone. ~Ritu Ghatourey
Don’t worry about those who talk behind your back. They’re behind you for a reason. ~Unknown
An honest enemy is better than a false friend. When in doubt, pay more attention to what people do and less to what they say. Actions not only speak louder than words, they are more difficult to fake. ~Zero Dean
An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind. ~The Buddha
A friend who stands with you in pressure is more valuable than a hundred ones who stand with you in pleasure. ~Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton
Better to have an enemy who slaps you in the face than a friend who stabs you in the back. ~Unknown
Tomorrow we’re going to be talking about handling the feelings you have after being with a frenemy. Come back and join the conversation!
Scientists have shown that meditating is good for you. A regular practice can help to lower blood pressure, fight insomnia and lead to a better night’s sleep, among other things.
Another thing meditation can do is to help us calm down and press the reset button after an attack by a frenemy.
No, you don’t have to twist yourself into an uncomfortable position and hold it forever; no, you don’t have to chant or “ohm”. All you need to do is to sit quietly and tune into the serene part of yourself.
Focus on that part of yourself that’s timeless and limitless. Doing this can help to put the situation and the frenemy in perspective. In doing this you’ll see that your frenemy is someone to be pitied, rather than punched. It’s a sad, insecure person who’s worried about their prospects in the future who tends to be a frenemy. People who are creating a soul-prospering life tend to be authentic, helpful, and optimistic.
Also, when you go within, you’ll be reminded of your talents, gifts, and the soul-prospering life you’re crafting for yourself!
Frenemy is someone who acts like a friend–they’re nice to you and they seem to cheer you on to your goals–but in subtle or even overt ways, they sabotage you. They can make you feel bad about yourself and cause you to second-guess yourself. They may take credit for the work you’ve done and they may gossip about you behind your back.
Frenemies have been around for a while. Both Cicero and Benjamin Franklin cautioned their peers about false friends–frenemies.
Sometimes frenemies are easy to spot and easy to steer clear of. They’re obviously unhappy and nasty people and you naturally shy away from them.
But sometimes they’re close to us and we don’t always recognize them for who they truly are. It could be that we work with them, or they’re in our circle of friends, or we may be related to them.
How do you deal with these people, the ones we have no choice but to live and work with?
~If you can’t eliminated your contact with them, limit it as much as you can.
Remember that it’s better to be alone for a while rather than spending time with a person who doesn’t celebrate you. It’s a big wide world out there and you’ll soon meet others who will be a true friend to you.
~Consider having a private conversation with the person.
They may not be aware of their behavior and how it’s impacting your relationship. This can be a good strategy with people with whom you’ve had a great relationship before but lately you’ve felt picked on by them. Perhaps something has changed–you’ve gotten a promotion or your dream is starting to come true–and they feel unsure if you still value them.
Even if the talk doesn’t go well, it can be an opportunity to set some ground rules and establish clear boundaries.
~Take a look at your own self-confidence. Perhaps they’re getting to you because you feel insecure or inadequate.
What areas are you feeling unsure of yourself when your frenemy is present? What can you do to increase your confidence?
~Perhaps you’ve taken your eye off your game plan and it’s a reminder to refocus.
Forget about “keeping up with the Joneses because there’s always going to be someone smarter, younger, cuter, fitter, richer, etc., than you. And trying to keep up with the Joneses can put you in contact with shallow materialistic people who tend to be frenemies.
The next tip is the one I’ve found to be most effective:
~Be cheerful, kind, and compassionate.
It might be too much to ask to behave this way immediately with your frenemy but you can behave pleasantly and with courtesy with the people around you. Not only will you strengthen your friendships with others but then when your frenemy talks behind your back, they’ll be shown to be the jerk, not you.
To sum up, the best ways to deal with frenemies are:
Steer clear of them or limit your contact with them;